17/05/26
Today I had a date with a girl I'm talking to. She is super nice and we have a lot in common. She came to my home and we watched Lego Batman together. It was really fun and I had a great time. We talked about our favorite movies and TV shows and we had a lot of laughs. Afterwards, I was talking to one of my friends and she said that she thought we had been friends for a while, not realising that it was our first time meeting. So I think that is good. Things have been a little too good in the past few days, which is worrying. Nothing stays good for long. I just hope that this doesn't end badly. I really like her and I want to see where this goes. I just hope that she doesn't get bored of me or something. I don't want to mess this up. I just want to be able to enjoy this while it lasts. I just hope that it lasts for a while. I just want to be able to have fun with her and not worry about anything else. I just want to be able to be happy for once in my life.

18/05/26
okay update surrounding yesterdays entry, she added her mii to my tomodachi life island!! but anyway her mii fell for my mii and my mii is now in love with her mii!! It must be fate.

19/05/26
As i'm writing this im sitting in the library, on level 4 in the quiet zone! Ive never been up here before but its very nice. The view is amazing. Anyway, so i've spent the day freaking out over my crush and like all that stuff! this probably sounds really stupid but whatever. anyway, below is me trying to figure out what to message her!

also here is a small sketch of how i feel right now, tortured.
lesbianism is a curse.


22/05/26
Today I am stuck at home with a cold. Not very fun especially as I have volunterring tomorrow and I don't want to miss it. I think I should be fine by tomorrow though, I just need to rest and drink lots of fluids. I have a sociology essay due on monday too which I need to get done. I dont like sociology but im writing my essay on sexuality and linking it to gender and the media! this is a massive interest of mine and I enjoy debating the topic. I have noticed within the media that within queer representation, its not really very accurate and gay men tend to get portrayed more towards the "straight gaze" and that lesbians are often hypersexualised and fetishised. I could go on for ages about this! Its also like why is there never any good and happy lesbian representation? I mean there is DEBS and But Im a Cheerleader and a few other good ones! But then theres like Waterlillies, which I watched the other night, where its a good film but theres no happy ending!

you should follow my letterboxd if you want to see my movie reviews and ratings!
letterboxd

I am really passionate about film, I considered changing my trimester 2 sociology class to film but the only option would be film history which I think is a bit boring. I would rather direct a film! I may do film as an elective next year though! Anyway, I ended up changing my tri 2 sosc class to art history!!

31/05/26
Please, what did I do wrong? I can change. I will change. Just tell me what I did.

21/07/26
neglected kid being an adult and wondering why they are so sick core

guys this isnt even funny, i have been sick for the past 2 weeks and only just now realised that it is likely just allergies but here i was thinking i was fucking diabetic and all possible worst case scenarios ?????
but like okay yes i now get why im sick but actually i have no idea how to get better from it because I was never taught how to actually look after myself and my body and now im just like a sick child in an adult body and i dont know what to do about it.


23/07/26
hi guys, i just got home from the clubs. I went out with my friends and I had so much fun. I feel great. I feel as if nothing can stop me. I feel like I can do anything. I feel like I can take on the world. I feel like I can be whoever I want to be. I feel like I can be free.

I didnt drink very much though, I wish I had drunk more. I felt great, and then I didnt. And then I felt great again.

I saw my friend from High school and it was great but then she introduced me to her friends by saying that we went to highschool together. We were in the same friend group. We were best friends. I thought I meant more to her. But I guess not; she has barely even messaged me in the past few months anyway. She has moved on.

14/08/26
a lot has happened recently, i actually have a date tonight!! we are going to the arcade ,, i am very excited.

phoebe bridgers 3 was released last night so my friends and I stayed up to listen to it, i really enjoy it. I actually pre-ordered the cd as I have recently bought a cd player.



I recently went to my university dorms ball and it was super fun and such a cool experience. My friends and I got a lot of photo booth photos and I saw a girl I used to be friends with so it was good seeing her again.

I have a few neocities things I am working on, i am considering re-doing my site layout but my plan for that is to code it all and then do one massive revamp update. I plan to update the wardrobe soon as I have clothes that arent on there yet. I also have been drawing a lot recently, so art will be updated at some point too.

University has been good, I am catching up on all my notes. I finished catching up on my laptop notes for statistics and psychology, so I now just have my stats notes to do (which ill just do on paper). I also plan on doing my stats and psych notes on paper too to help prepare for end of semester exams!! I dont even know why im talking about this, im sure none of you actually care.

in terms of my mental health and adhd and all that, I have been surprisinly good recently. I am hoping that continues. I just have to focus on my therapy and actually do my dbt diary card each day (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ my doctor decided to finally give me back my adhd meds but the thing is shes not very good at remembering my file at all so during the appointments shes so unsure about my medical history. So anyway, a few hours after the appointment I get a call from her saying that she no longer is perscribing me the meds because she found a note from my old psychiatrist saying that once my mood was more stable I should go on vyvanse rather than concerta. So she wants me to go see my old psychiatrist who suggested that. 1. the guy is in a whole different city and 2. hes a mental health nurse not a psychiatrist LMAO

i was really hoping I would have been able to get my meds back without having to pay for see a psychiatrist. But anyway I have an appointment with one in september so that better work out. My doctor wouldnt even up my fluxotine dosage because apparently 60mg is "too much and wont actually do anything except for help with anxiety and ocd" .... I have anxiety and ocd symptoms so IT WOULD HELP???

anyway im lowk just ranting now because as im writing this im trying to get my photo of my cd player to upload to my laptop so I can show u all but its taking so long to sync!! I hope you all are doing well and are happy and having an awesome time.